I was sitting in the driveway the other day sipping a coffee in the shade from the morning sun when Bob-o the neighbourhood landscaper wandered over.Now like most of the Old Farts he has his quirks, just a few more than most of us.Mags calls him a kook, but I always add that he is a nice kook.She has to nod in agreement.Some of his idiosyncrasies are neighbourhood legend and he is always entertaining from a distance.
“Coffee fresh?” he asked.
“Of course.Tim’s coffee made in my Tim’s coffeemaker.What more could you ask?”
He smiled and produced a Toronto Maple Leaf mug with the big number 7 on it.Now most of the younger crowds don’t know the truth behind this, but Tim Horton was a star player for the Leafs back in the day.He also started the Tim Horton Coffee Shops.Little did he know he would eventually have 25 million Canadians addicted with another 10 million waiting in the wings for their first double-double.Anyway, only Bob-o would have such a trinket of nostalgia.
He pulled up a lawn chair took a sip from his full mug and sighed.“Can't beat Tim’s coffee.”
“Nope.”I was still waiting for the real reason for his meandering over here when his wildflower gardens always needed an eight hour shift of attention.
“Paid off the mortgage yesterday.” He announced dryly.
“Great!”When is the party?”
Now this is another grand tradition that has fallen by the wayside along with the shivaree; mortgage burning parties.
“Not having one.”
Now my interest was up.He might be a little younger but he knows about mortgage burning and in the summer like this it is always a barbeque.“How come?”
“Well, the bank lady said I could convert my mortgage into a Line of Credit with my house as collateral.”
“Why would you do that?”
He stared at the ground between his feet clad in bright red Crocs, the ever-present Tilley shielding his eyes from the world.“Well this way I can just write a cheque for anything I need instead of going out and getting a loan.”
“Well that is an advantage.” I conceded, “But why would you do that?”
“Well if the Smart car needs replacing I can just go and get a new one without all the bother of the bank stuff and the loan is at bank prime.Can't get a car loan for that.”
“You think the Smart car needs replacing already?”I played dumb.
Just then old Fred wandered up a Tim mug in his hand.I rose and took the cup while he stole my chair.“What’s up?”
“Bob-o is going to buy a new Smart car.”
“Good thing.It is as ugly as they come.”
“I’m not buying a new car.”Bob-o protested.
“Too bad, it still is about the ugliest thing since the horse and buggy.”Fred continued to needle him. “Although even the back of a horse…”
“All I said was I am not having a mortgage burning.”
Fred looked at him suspiciously.“You mortgaged the house for a new Smart car?That isn't so smart.”
“No, no.I am not buying a new car.I paid off the house and took out a line of credit instead.”
“So you could buy a new Smart car.Why not look at those cheap Toyotas?”
Bob-o sighed in resignation.On one of Fred’s bad days there was no way he was going to get the best of the old fart and he knew it.Everyone did.
“Okay so when you having the barbeque?You aren’t burning the mortgage but you still owe us a barbeque.”
“My barbeque has to be replaced.”
“Well then, now you can buy one of those Tim Allen monsters I saw at Canadian Tire without taking out a loan.”Fred threw in.“You should be able to roast a pig on one of those suckers.”
“Good idea.” I agreed.“You can use it to melt the ice off your driveway in the winter when you can't buy a new snow shovel because they put the summer stuff out.”
Bob-o gave up, finished his coffee and bid his farewell as he wandered across the street.