I was sitting in the driveway the other morning, having our usual home brewed Tim’s with Bob-o and Linda just chewing things over.She had time off, no court dates or anything and thought she would enjoy our company.Well, being our official council for the Old Fart’s Party, she is always welcome.Now, we haven't seen her father, old Fred for a week or so, and we were beginning to get a bit worried but she set our minds at ease when she told us he had gone to Ottawa for the week for a bit of a vacation.
“Vacation?”I wondered as I thought that knowing him, he would get in trouble for doing something he shouldn’t in the Rideau Canal.
“He actually got back last night.” She informed us. “He called me just after dinner just to say he was back safe and sound.”
So he hadn't gotten himself arrested.That was a good thing.We couldn’t have the leader of our party with a criminal record.It wasn’t another cup downed before Fred came up the driveway, his mug in hand and as usual, as soon as I stood to go fill it, he stole my chair.Well, with age and wisdom comes experience so I was ready with another one leaning against the fence.
“So, you going to tell us about the trip?” Bob-o asked.
“Yup.Soon as I get a bit of this caffeine in me.”
We waited, especially Linda who knew her father was sure to have a yarn.If nothing else, he could be very entertaining.It was often disarming to the uninitiated.
“Well got a nice hotel room just outside the city.Had free breakfast and all so that was a plus.Then the next day I thought I would take a walk toward Sussex Drive.I wanted to see the Prime Minister’s residence but the Mounties just shooed me away.Wouldn’t even let me take a picture.Can you believe that?What is going on in this country?”
“It’s all about security, Dad”
“Security?I am seventy..” he cleared his throat then continued, “Do I look like a terrorist?The biggest bomb I ever made was making a bet on the Leafs for the cup.Your mother never let me forget it either.So, anyway, then I went to Stornaway.I figured that I ought to be living there in a few years and I heard it needed some work so I thought maybe I could get an idea and see about getting some prices to fix the old shack up.”
“Dad, the government looks after it.”
“Well, that explains why it is such a mess, doesn’t it.So, the Mounties moved me on from there too muttering something about security.I told them that wasn’t a ticking bomb they heard, it was my ticker.Anyways then I took a tour of the Parliament Buildings and that pretty much took up the day.Next day, my arthritis was acting up so I took it easy.
Then I went back to the parliament buildings and thought I would see the Minister of Industry because he is supposed to be looking after all the wireless communications.Well, the Mounties were nice to me and directed me to his office.I guess wearing a suit and tie must make a difference.Then I got there and his secretary said if I didn’t have an appointment then he couldn’t see me.Can you believe that?We elect these guys, pay their salaries, their outrageous pensions and they can't be bothered to see us?I told her that too, and then I told her that I represent 30 percent of the population of this country and he damned well better see me.I was pretty forceful about it too.”
Linda moaned.
“So, anyway, she looks at me and says, ‘You must be a Liberal’So I says, no, I am an Old Fart.”
Bob-o spit his coffee out then shooed Curly the bassett hound from cleaning it up.
“She started to giggle and I said what was funny because some day she would be an Old Fart too.So just then the Minister came out of his office and I stopped him and introduced myself.I told him I wanted to have a chat for a few minutes.Wouldn’t take long.Anyway, I walked with him along the corridors.First thing I asked was how come the big telecom guys were charging so much for their services, and all the while trying to downsize those services and with the internet why they were slowing it down.
Well, he said the government’s policy is not to interfere with business.So I asked him if the government was elected by business or the people.If it was elected by people then why aren’t they looking after the people.
Well he didn’t like that one bit and tried to walk away but I kept up no problem.I wanted to know as the leader of the Old Fart Party if he was going to look after the people and protect us from the likes of these big companies.I wanted to know what he was doing about it.
So then he said he was having meetings with the CEO’s of these companies to complain.Complain?I asked, ‘What about telling them to smarten up or the government would smarten them up?Who was in charge here, him or them?’
Just then a Mountie stepped between us and he made off into another hallway.So I asked the Mountie what he thought. Was he getting his money’s worth for his cell and his internet.He shook his head as he guided me toward the doors.”
“Sounds like quite the meeting” I said, “Did you make an appointment for another?”
“Nope, I just left a message with his secretary that we would be fielding a candidate in his riding come next election and our platform is simple, common sense legislation to make a common sense country.It was time we Canadians took it back.”
“And?”Linda asked.
“And what dear?”
“And, is that the end of the story?”
“Well, I wanted to see the Prime Minister but he wouldn’t talk to me unless I sent him my questions in advance.Not much of a way to talk to the people is it?Maybe we should just forget about becoming the opposition.”
Just then Linda’s cell phone rang.It was the cellular company wanting to sell her a new phone.She hung up because if Fred had gotten a hold of it…